Pinned toot

I’m black.

I’m pansexual.

I’m non-binary.

I’m soft.

Don’t fuck with me :3c

Pinned toot

I like girls in ties and boys in skirts.

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Sometimes I think about how much fun it would be to stream whatever game I happen to be playing.

And then I remember I hate being overly social. So just put on some show and gather mats in peace.

I got distracted by shiny and now it’s a different kind of energy. Still not helpful for work but it’s something I guess :/

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It is now quickly descending into a negative energy day. Woooo….

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Today is a low energy day.

-surprise two hour meeting is scheduled…over lunch-

Today is a no energy day.

I lit a new candle today. It smelled nice.

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I went into the kitchen to make my daily caffeine dose. I burned my thigh by backing into a heater.

I no longer need caffeine.

anxious thoughts 

Hopefully posting about it breaks the loop.....hopefully....

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anxious thoughts 

Awesome, practicing yet another conversation that's never going to happen. Only I keep cutting it off before it progresses too far. But because I have a broken brain, I keep repeating the same beginning lines over and over and occasionally slip and come up with the next line. Only to cut myself off........only to repeat it....

UGH

I think I’m just gonna continue having low key anxiety today.

Yea, that sounds good.

WTB: fresh brain, mild trauma acceptable, must have sufficient serotonin and dopamine reserves

rambly thoughts, grief, general sadness 

Who needs therapy when you can just word vomit into the void? :D

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rambly thoughts, grief, general sadness 

And I can’t talk to anyone about this because that’s “bothering and asking for special treatment” (or else paying for someone to pay attention to me) and that just feels….bad? Cuz that’s demanding someone to help me carry my baggage. But also it’s fine that no one wants to help me carry it (no one is under any kind of obligation to help at all).

So I have to be able to carry it alone, at least a little bit. And that’s okay too.

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rambly thoughts, grief, general sadness 

I already don’t wanna bother people. But I bothered her and she kept me here. I bother people now (it goes wrong somehow) and don’t dare do it again until they specifically give me permission to do so again.

I don’t want to take up peoples time and efforts. She made time and put effort in me. I don’t want to ask for people to “treat me special” because I want them to WANT to treat me special. And asking for it is whiny and needy.

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rambly thoughts, grief, general sadness 

Aaaand my brain had an imaginary, one-sided conversation with someone and it went down an old path I haven’t gone down in a long while called Grief for someone else. I thought “she was there for me when I needed it but I couldn’t be there for her when she needed it” and I plummeted into that ocean of emotion. Lots of tears. Wondering if I ever processed her passing properly. Realizing her passing absolutely affected my current social relationships.

Get the Valve Index now or be “responsible” and at least wait until tax season? :blobcatthinking:

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ffxiv shb/ew 

"Mmm, this loaf is absolutely delightful! Why, it's as though the light of Hydaelyn herself were gracing my mouth. You say this is a delicacy on the First shard?"

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Beach City

Beach City is our private beach-side sanctuary for close friends and awesome folks. We are various flavors of trans, queer, non-binary, polyamorous, disabled, furry, etc.