I understand when people say "These aren't my preferred pronouns. They *ARE* my pronouns". The political point, especially, makes a lot of sense.

But for me, the pronouns I ask people to use with me *are* preferences. I don't really feel like I can describe them as anything else, as any pronoun more or less feels functional enough for me... But I absolutely have preferences of which ones people should use.

@pandora_parrot i definitely think this is valid and is kinda how i feel too

@pandora_parrot i think its preferential in company that is kind and understanding, or if you're beginning to sort of test out different pronouns.

but when soemone aggressively misgenders you over and over in front of important people its. a lot more of an aggressive act to act like 'well its just a PREFERENCE'

source: my mom literally misgendered me to the cancer surgeon and then tried to pretend she was trying soooo haaaard and no one bought it

@hi_cial Yeah. It's shitty when someoen genders you in a particular way as a way to deny your trans identity. Like, I've had people that used she/her with me, and only switched to he/him when they found out I was trans.

But outside of that, whatever people use casually is fine based on how they read my gender, though I prefer they'd use they/them.

@pandora_parrot ya but again, these are people who implicitly are respectful towards you. the reason ppl are like 'we should stop using the word preferred is because it allows transphobes wiggle room to claim they arent hurting us'

@hi_cial Makes sense. It just doesn't really work for me personally. I have a hard time with stuff like that.

@pandora_parrot I'm the same, I had years worth of "don't say 'preferred' pronouns!!!" before I was like "...wait I have preferred pronouns myself?! Shit!"

And it wasn't something I'd seen anybody talk about then, so I'm glad people are talking about it. :)

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Beach City

Beach City is our private beach-side sanctuary for close friends and awesome folks. We are various flavors of trans, queer, non-binary, polyamorous, disabled, furry, etc.