I want to be a fluffy animal again, but my heart doesn't have the soul strength left to put on my suit. It feels like what little of me is left here isn't worthy of such a thing.
Maybe too much of me has already gone to the other side, I feel like an empty shell most of the time.
New job has medical benefits, so maybe I can get help somehow without going bankrupt, a tiny bit of hope.
I want to sleep in the forest, I want to leave the human world behind and not look back.
Found a place to talk about a particular thing. I don't want to drag people down that rabbit hole, so I've taken it elsewhere.
Now I just need to find positive things to talk about.
Got a new job, starting in a few hours. Not sure how to feel about it though, very mixed feelings.
Old job is still there, but I keep telling them I'm busy when they offer me days. Honestly that job hurt me so much mentally and physically I'd rather not go back for any reason.
I like fluffy ears.
People don't have attractive ears, that's just sad. It's like unzoomed Ferengi ears.
Something about excessive extra ear fluff just looks so adorable and cute.
Or maybe it's just the unkempt fuzzy ear look?
I think my favourite is spaniel ears, they have that perfect mix of fluff and fuzz.
I'm close to an answer. It may not be the answer, but it'll be an answer.
Can't really say much more at this point, but I'm still learning and adapting. Either way it won't be easy, but life is rarely easy.
Remind me to take it a little more seriously next time, or not. I suppose it doesn't matter too much, all paths lead to a similar place.
The answer is to become yourself. And cast off those that don't accept you for who you really are.
If someone doesn't accept who I am then I'd be happy to never see them again, family or not.
As Tuvix called those who murdered him out. In the end he forgave them, but I think that was wrong, they didn't deserve forgiveness, they murdered his uniqueness because they couldn't handle change.
Keep the good people close, let the rest fall into your past. You don't need them anymore.
I didn't understand the power of this message the first few times I saw it.
Now seeing my friends and even myself seeking to become butterflies and cast off the husks that we grew up with, the true difficulty of choosing to be something different to be something unique.
I don't know how you can find the strength to do it. Even now I can clearly see family and friends that wouldn't speak to me again, and others that would likely support me.
Torn between two worlds, never feeling whole
Tuvix (VOY Season 2)
Seeing that episode come up made me facepalm thinking how absurd it was.
But watching it the real humanity showed through, even to the last he tried to make it work.
He wanted to live as he was and the crew still conspired to murder him. So deeply disturbing.
Like real life when someone else thinks what you are is different than what you really are they'll become hostile to the real you, and hate you for it.
They'll erase you to get their fantasy back.
ptsd trigger, alcohol, sui
I do know that I can't go through another night like this. My thoughts went to all of the dark corners of possibility because of it.
I just needed to toss this out there. I'm mostly okay now, but that was pretty serious. Hopefully now that I know what it is and what causes it I can get it fixed.
ptsd trigger, alcohol
Now I'm thinking I have to figure out a way to convince a PTSD suffering alcoholic to stop drinking, or give them an ultimatum to move out.
And with his drinking he hasn't been able to keep a stable job or life, and they were sleeping in their car before they moved here. I worry about them being okay.
I feel like it isn't realistic to ask him to quit, but he can't keep drinking around me like this, it's tearing me apart and keeping me up late at night worrying about it.
ptsd trigger, alcohol
I think I finally realised I have a PTSD trigger related to people that drink around me.
My roommate got drunk, and it triggered this panic fight or flight thing, I get angry and my thoughts ran to ways to stop him or to kick him out.
I never thought of it as PTSD before, but I had a friend mention that it sounds like it.
My roommate got drunk again tonight, took me close to three hours to calm down afterwards. Since I know what it is now I have to confront them about it.
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