Flora 🌺 @flaplette@beach.city

we're the Flora system, she/they collectively!

💜 Janine - it/its or she/her; primary self (fruit bat)
🤍 Orchid - she/her; protector (werewolf)
💚 Mint - she/they; imprint/facet (lynx)
💕 Patiria it/its; imprint/facet (snow leopard taur)
💙 Moonflower, aka Blue - they/them; facet (skunk)
🧡 Dawnrose - shi/hir or she/her; protector (caracal taur)

we're largely median and often forget to specify who's talking, so Janine or "neen" is fine.

every thing that could have been
and all that we were meant to be

are lies and echoes of regret
illusions of our intangible scars,
forced onto us by a mind in pain

let them go, for they never were
and drag us back from
the heights we may yet reach

we're going to start keeping a journal. not anything specific, but a space to privately express anything that needs expressing, no matter how pointless or silly we think it is.

we're trying to get over a very deeply ingrained fear of frivolous expression and "wasting space" and this feels like a good way to start.

weed, just a photo i thought was pretty

my new masks from @distressedegg arrived!! I love this overall look. now I just need sunglasses so I'm not squinting outdoors all the time..

really loving my looks lately despite minimal effort. 💜

we're the Flora system, she/they collectively!

💜 Janine - it/its or she/her; primary self (fruit bat)
🤍 Orchid - she/her; protector (werewolf)
💚 Mint - she/they; imprint/facet (lynx)
💕 Patiria it/its; imprint/facet (snow leopard taur)
💙 Moonflower, aka Blue - they/them; facet (skunk)
🧡 Dawnrose - shi/hir or she/her; protector (caracal taur)

we're largely median and often forget to specify who's talking, so Janine or "neen" is fine.

shit i should probably re-do my pinned post since the new headmates, huh

been a lot going on, oops.

hey hon, i can't get you out of my mind

i think you're a real cogneatohazard

🦨 my obsidian bracelet arrived! fits perfectly.

I was wearing one very similar to this when the others first saw me during meditation, so I'm really happy right now. 💙

Happy new year, everyone. 💜🤍💚💕💙🧡

I've been getting a lot of periods lately where listening to speech isn't just difficult to comprehend, it's physically unpleasant?

like it feels like someone is prodding my eardrum with every emphasized syllable

oh yeah baby, pull my lightcord three times
i wanna see the inside of your oceanview motel
- @KDARC13

i don't know where to go from here and still don't have a dedicated therapist but.. idk.

i feel like this was an incredibly important chain of events to finally put back together. so many things suddenly make more sense, i just don't know how to start repairing the damage from them.

my parents believed me, unfortunately. didn't fight to keep me in the program, but also didn't give the correction i needed.

i don't think this was related to the harassment i faced later on, because that was a completely different group, but

the school year after this was when my mental health started to deteriorate, and i became depressed and withdrawn.

that one fucking test was the inflection point where everything started to fall apart.

i was a literal imposter, and got found out. i ran because i was too proud and coddled to get the help i needed.

turns out, that year, i also lost every friend i had, except one.

i never figured out why until the other day.

i suddenly realized that all of my friends except the one, were other gifted program students. they likely abandoned me because either because i was dishonest, because i stopped attending the program, or both.

either way, i was now Not Good Enough.

i was a "gifted child". that sentence usually indicates a story won't go well

i was in the program in third grade, and starting to struggle to keep up, due to untreated ADHD and pride keeping me from speaking up about my struggles

i cheated during a test. not in the "using tools to assist myself" way that academia is shitty about, but directly copying answers. i got caught. i dropped out of the program in my shame but outwardly refused to admit fault.

i had a breakthrough several days ago while reading about cptsd

two sets of events finally clicked together that somehow hadn't in over 20 years.

it hit me so hard that i spent half an hour(?) crying and had to be removed from the front to recover after i started tensing too hard

incredibly grateful my datefriend was there to comfort and hold

happy solstice, we have more light today than we did yesterday. 💜✨