Janine Sataria 🌺 @flaplette@beach.city

i'm also quite Hornt right now and would very much enjoy to be tied up and ridden/sucked off/[activity of choice]'d til I pass out

I think this is the first time I've ever actually lit up at 4:20

i hate that this situation even exists to begin with (for the world and the people in active danger, not for my sake)

but i'm at the point of "i need to cut my foot off to save the leg", regarding online presence

i need to scale back, at least temporarily, before i have to disappear entirely

i handed custody of my birdsite account to my partner and they're changing the password. my afterdark and this one may follow, i'm not sure yet

it's too much. everything is. i'm barely able to take care of myself let alone act in support of a movement. no amount of muted words or accounts helps. i need to just leave and be locked out, and have an external decision on when i can return, because i'm not capable of making sound decisions on that

aaaa!!! I just received gift art from a dear friend and I'm so happy I cried a little 💜💜💜

🎨 by MyLovelessArt on birdsite!

really loving that I can check on prints without getting out of bed. 💜

i am so very scrundled right now

i'm very tired and don't feel like i'm allowed to be

ongoing things aren't about me. but my daily life still is and my spoons for outside events range from critically low to the negatives

and being indirectly told i'm a bad person for trying to exist online in that state, by someone i cared about?

why should i even try anymore.

everything was already too much before the latest thing happened, and seeing a good person i was friendly with being aggressively callous about it is the icing on the shit cake. I can't take anymore

i'm supposed to be going back to work Monday and haven't even emailed them yet saying i can't. it's noon and i'm still in bed. i just want to cry and stop existing

i'm supposed to go back to work in a week, and i don't even feel capable of making it through a day emotionally intact without getting stoned.

it's probably not a good sign to read other folks' discussions, then feel incredibly alone and longing for intimacy.. when you're laying next to your owner and primary partner.

i'm blazed out of my goddamn mind

and would really love for someone to come over, straddle me, put me into a trance, and then fuck me silly

I don't know how i'm ever supposed to function in this world as it gets more and more uncaring for the well-being of the people who keep it running. and i don't think she gets that. or has anything helpful to offer

i expressed how most of my worry and stress stems from the way the world treats working class people and most of the response i got was.. not terribly sympathetic because "that's how it is for everyone", in a nutshell

spent over an hour crying during therapy and don't feel like anything productive came of it. i want to smoke myself oblivious, curl up in someone's lap and not think about the world for awhile.

I feel like I have too many people I want to spend time with, and not enough time or energy. as a result, I end up hyperfixating on a person or group while feeling guilty about neglecting the rest

I also literally forget about some people I like when I'm not actively reminded of their existence, and that makes me feel like an absolutely awful friend.